


Chris Tries to Ignore Important Things & Dustin is Really Very Sweet

by mmbucky



Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmbucky/pseuds/mmbucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Chris just shrugged it off and the one time it finally made sense, because sometimes disregarding what your heart wants most isn’t a practical idea, and sometimes it takes a while to realise what your heart wants in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chris Tries to Ignore Important Things & Dustin is Really Very Sweet

1.  
It was a dull Thursday evening in the Kirkland suite when Chris’s feeble attempts to study were disrupted by Dustin appearing by the bedroom door. Chris looked up as Dustin leant against the door frame with his hands in his front pockets, wearing his standard bright and wide grin, his eyes warm and fond. Chris once mused that when Dustin’s eyes focused on you it was like he was giving you a visual hug. It made you feel safe and snug, but perhaps Chris had a habit of being a bit besotted when it came to all things relating to Dustin. He was also becoming good at swiftly shifting his attention and giving himself a mental talking-to.

“I just found our toothbrushes spooning,” Dustin announced, his amusement clear on his face.

Chris took a moment, watching Dustin closely and waiting for him to elaborate, “You what?”

“Our toothbrushes,” Dustin emphasised. “In the glass by the sink; they’re spooning.” He paused to laugh while Chris shook his head with a smile. “They’re backed up behind the toothpaste; my toothbrush is the little spoon, and yours is the big spoon.” He helped the mental image by demonstrating with his hands.

Chris dropped his head forward to laugh, never able to react any other way when Dustin was like this. The nonsensical things he frequently said and did never failed to amuse Chris, whereas most other people they were ever around often would roll their eyes and just let him get on with it. Dustin was probably an acquired taste, Chris reasoned. 

“I had to use my toothbrush super quick, but I put it right back where it was because yours looked so lonely.”

Shaking his head again with a chuckle Chris stretched his limbs, lying back on his bed and flattening a good portion of his study notes underneath him. “I guess that makes sense. You seem more like a small spoon guy, anyway,” he teased. 

Dustin gaped, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not a small spoon guy!”

“Yes you are,” Chris continued and rested one arm behind his head, watching Dustin and feeling more than slightly charmed by him. “You just give off a small spoon vibe.”

“How dare you, Hughes,” Dustin huffed, though the hilarity of the situation was still evident in his eyes and in the quirk of his lips. “Is this because I’m shorter than you? I’m not even _short_. You’re just tall, that’s why you’re saying this. You’re speaking from a tall guy’s perspective, but let me tell you, tall guy; just because a guy isn’t tall, it doesn’t mean that he’s a small spoon. What happens when you get two short people, then, huh? Are they both gonna be the small spoon? How does that even work?” 

“You could be seven foot and I’d still peg you for a small spoon,” Chris replied, smirking and enjoying winding Dustin up. 

“Is this because I still don’t know how to tie my shoelaces the normal way and have to do it the bunny ears way, so you think I can’t handle responsibility?”

Chris laughed and shook his head.

“Is it because my mom still calls me once a week and you think that makes me less of a man?”

“I like your mom,” Chris replied.

“She says hi, by the way.” Dustin shifted his footing and pointed a finger at Chris. “So what you’re saying, and do correct me if I’m wrong,” Dustin began with a scheming sparkle in his eyes, now stroking his chin as though deep in thought, “is that I am now, and will always be nothing but a small spoon guy. Is that correct?”

Chris nodded, “Nothing but a small spoon.”

“And you’re saying that there’s nothing I can do in order to be the big spoon because I am, in fact, now and forever merely a small spoon guy. Would you agree with that statement?”

“I think I feel a challenge coming on,” Chris raised an eyebrow.

“Well I accept your challenge!” Dustin declared ominously as he raised a finger into the air emphatically. He stepped further into the room and pointed that same finger at Chris again. “You better sleep with one eye open, pretty, because when you least expect it, just when your guard is down- _boom!_ You’ll find yourself being spooned, my friend, and there’ll be no one to run to.”

Chris dropped an arm over his eyes for a moment as he barked out an uncontrollable laugh. “Sounds so violent,” he huffed around his laughter. “I don’t really think I’m in need of sudden, vicious spooning, though. But thanks.”

“But how else will I prove my big-spooned manliness to you? You got me into this, so you now have to deal with it. And I know you can’t turn down a casual spoon, you spooner, you.”

Chris just lay back and watched Dustin for a moment, enjoying the stable level of amusement that was always guaranteed when Dustin was around. Dustin grinned at Chris with the warmth in his eyes that Chris adored, and he felt that familiar flood of heat fill his belly. Dustin’s attention span was haphazard and his focus was never on one thing for long, but when it was fully on Chris he savoured it. Chris didn’t like to let himself feel this way often, but it was almost impossible to resist sometimes. 

He reigned in his thoughts though, and smiled at Dustin. “I encourage you to spoon some poor stranger and report back to me later, bro. Don’t let me hold you back.”

Dustin raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, “Okay, okay, I’ll take the hint. A guy can tell when his spooning isn’t required,” he chuckled, turning to leave the room. “But you would’ve enjoyed it, Hughesy.” 

Chris wished he could explain to Dustin the obvious, which was how he would love to spoon, be it big spoon or small. He opted instead for, “Spooning always leads to forking anyway, so you probably just dodged a bullet there, buddy.”

To Chris’s surprise, Dustin let out a startled laugh and he was blushing when he turned back around at the doorway. “Uh, yeah,” he said slowly, his brow furrowing, “that’s probably not what I was going for.” He laughed again, notably more awkward this time and his eyes swiftly swiped up and down Chris’s body, as though quickly confirming to himself that it was indeed not what he was going for. Then he hastily averted his gaze, turned and headed out of the bedroom, shaking his head, “Well I’m glad we had this conversation, Chris,” he joked quietly as he left.

Chris realised he had probably crossed a pretty obvious line there, and his stomach flipped anxiously. He settled back into his pillows a little more and spent a moment gathering his thoughts, kicking himself for his poor choice of humour. Dustin had a habit of surprising people with the things he said and did, but it was rare for the tables to be turned and for Dustin to be caught off guard. Chris knew it was his mistake, but he also knew that it was in his best interest not to look too far into it. If for a moment he thought that the uncertainty he had recognised in Dustin’s eyes or the fact that he had left the room a little too quickly were for any other reason than Dustin feeling uncomfortable, he was mistaken.

So he shrugged it off and told himself to be a little bit more careful about the jokes he made from now on, especially from one not-so-straight friend to a really-quite-straight friend. Sexual innuendo was most definitely off the agenda.

\- - - - -

2.  
Chris came out of the bathroom after a long, hot shower on a chilly October evening, intent on spending the rest of the evening on the sofa deliberately _not_ studying. He figured he was likely to spend the evening procrastinating if he’d actually decided to study, so his conscience was sufficiently sated.

He stepped into the lounge area wearing pajama pants and towelling his hair, and was met with a loud cackle. He lifted the towel away from his eyes and saw Dustin lazing on the couch with a packet of peanut M&M’s in his lap, feet propped up on the table, laughing at something on the TV.

“Chris,” he beckoned without taking his eyes off the screen, “you gotta come watch this. Daily Show!”

Chris ambled past and grabbed his hoodie from his bed, dumped his towel over the back of a chair, and meandered back into the lounge to sink into the other side of the sofa, leaving his hoodie in his lap for now. He heaved a sigh and combed his fingers through his damp fringe to get it out of his eyes, perfectly happy to stay put for the rest of the night. 

“You, uh…” Dustin said quietly from beside Chris, and Chris looked over. “You’re not cold?”

Dustin’s eyes were flicking quickly between Chris’s face and his bare chest. He looked distracted and concerned. Chris shrugged and stretched out, propping his feet up on the table and yawning loudly.

“Not yet. Just had a shower that was, like, 200 degrees,” he replied, his head lolling back on the couch.

Dustin nodded and his eyes flicked back down to Chris’s chest one last time before they returned to the TV. “Oh, here,” he said, holding the pack of M&M’s out to Chris, “saved you the green ones.”

Chris laughed and snatched the packet, digging into it. “Thanks, man. My favourite,” he grinned before stuffing four green M&M’s into his mouth and crunching loudly. He watched Dustin for a moment, chewing happily and the thought crossed his mind briefly that it was an adorable thing to do. Dustin had a habit of doing adorable things, and Chris never expected them. He didn’t really have anybody else in his life that would take a moment to do thoughtful things for him, even as inconsequential as saving him some M&M’s in his favourite colour, but he was glad that it was Dustin who would. It was moments like this when he remembered why he liked Dustin so much, and it made his stomach buzz with warmth. 

“Don’t know why you like them,” Dustin teased, looking back at Chris. “They don’t taste any different to the other ones.”

“But they’re green,” Chris stated plainly. 

Dustin raised an eyebrow wryly, “That they are.” His eyes stuttered down at Chris’s chest again, lingering around his belly, and then he looked back to the TV hastily. Chris reasoned that it probably meant Dustin was still wondering if he was cold, but he was silently pleased with himself and momentarily entertained the idea that it meant something else. 

They watched the TV for a few minutes, Chris crunching on M&M’s and Dustin laughing at something every few seconds. Chris evidently didn’t find this show as hilarious as Dustin did. He could hear Mark in his bedroom clicking and typing, glued to his computer screen as usual, and somewhere in one of the neighbouring suites somebody was playing some unreasonably loud rap music. It was a pretty standard weeknight in Kirkland House.

“Hey,” Dustin began, and Chris could feel his eyes on him. “Wardo just called and he’s gonna bring round some food.” 

Chris nodded idly, glad he didn’t have to worry about putting any effort into feeding himself.

“He’s going to Yenching over on Massachuse-”

“Yenching!” Chris exclaimed, turning to Dustin. “Shit, I really feel like spicy shrimp. I should call him.” His stomach had appreciated the M&M’s as an appetizer, but the mention of real food made it growl.

Dustin shook his head, “I already told him to get you the spicy shrimp.”

“And spri-”

“And spring rolls,” Dustin smiled.

Chris gaped, and before could even begin to process this information, Mark walked past the TV towards the fridge.

“Dustin’s got you covered,” he said as he bent down and grabbed a beer from the fridge. “You should know that by now.”

Chris grinned at Dustin, who was watching him like he was amused by this reaction; as though it was a given that he was going to order Chris’s favourite without having to ask what it was. Chris was almost overwhelmed. He balled up the empty M&M’s packet and dropped it back in Dustin’s lap with a snicker. Dustin looked at him with raised eyebrows and tossed the packet back at his face.

“Aren’t you cold?” Mark asked on his way back past the TV.

“That’s odd coming from an amphibian like you,” Chris replied. Dustin snickered, and Chris pulled his hoodie on. In his peripheral vision, before his hoodie obscured the view, he saw Dustin’s gaze flick distractedly back towards Chris as he fidgeted ever so slightly in his seat. He tried not to see it as a victory, because there was no battle being fought here.

“This show’s not very funny,” Chris remarked after a few minutes.

“ _You’re_ not very funny,” Dustin retorted instantaneously. Chris grinned.

Among the things Chris loved most, he had to admit that just hanging out with Dustin with no time restraints and no reason was pretty high up the list. Dustin was one of those people who was just easy to be around. When they had first met, Chris was relieved to find that Dustin was the kind of guy that wouldn’t let the conversation drop because he constantly had something amusing to say. It was always effortless spending time with him, but when he was going out of his way to order Chris’s favourite food and save him the green M&M’s, Chris couldn’t help but feel elated. He couldn’t even remember a time when he mentioned that he liked green M&M’s, as it was pretty absurd and not exactly noteworthy, but this was one of the reasons he kept falling further for Dustin. Dustin made it clear that he cared.

Soon enough Eduardo arrived with a brown paper bag of food. He dropped it down onto the table as Chris and Dustin both cheered, and Mark emerged from his bedroom with beer in hand.

“Took your time,” Mark smirked at Eduardo, watching as he took off his jacket. 

“You can get the next lot, then, Schmuckerberg,” Eduardo teased as he sat down in the arm chair by the sofa. Mark snickered.

Dustin passed out containers of food and Chris distributed chopsticks, while Mark pulled the desk chair from behind the sofa around and parked it in front of the table opposite Eduardo. 

“Thanks, Wardo,” Dustin mumbled around a mouthful of food, having already started eating in record time.

“Thanks, man,” Chris raised his chopsticks towards Eduardo as he pulled the lid off his container, but Mark was smirking at Eduardo from across the table so Eduardo hadn’t heard a thing.

They ate in a companionable silence for a while, and _The Daily Show_ managed to amuse Dustin and Eduardo, make Mark roll his eyes, and only vaguely interest Chris, but he savoured a quiet night in like this.

Soon enough Dustin leaned over towards Chris with a quiet “Eww,” and he placed a prawn from his own container into Chris’s. He dug through his food again then leaned over to give Chris some more unwanted prawns.

Chris looked over at Dustin, catching his gaze and thanking him with a smile. Dustin smiled back as he popped a piece of chicken into this mouth, his brows raised as if to say _”of course I was going to give my prawns to you”_ and if Chris noted in the back of his mind that they held their gaze a little long, he didn’t dwell on it. 

So far this night had been continuously offering Chris reasons to feel flutters in this stomach. Every now and again he would let his mind run away with him for just a moment, but in the end he determined that all of the sweet things Dustin did for him were perhaps not intentionally sweet, but just Dustin being Dustin. He probably didn’t have the ability to judge Dustin’s behaviour from an impartial viewpoint, but Chris reasoned that either way, Dustin was a good friend who was looking out for him. He realised that he himself was very likely to berate someone for sitting around without a shirt on when the weather outside was abysmal, so he began to understand where Dustin was coming from and felt stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

So he shrugged it off and told himself that, regardless of whether it caused a fluttering stomach or not, Dustin only had Chris’s welfare in mind because he was just that kind of friend. Chris made a mental note to ensure that he always returned the favour.

\- - - - -

3.  
It was cold outside by the time Chris arrived back at the suite one late Friday afternoon, and he wondered why he never managed to wear enough layers when he went out. He hoped he wasn’t turning into Mark, but then again, he mused, Mark didn’t actually feel the cold to begin with. He dropped his bag onto the sofa and steered towards the fridge, because regardless of how cold he was his thirst won out.

“Christopher!” Dustin called out, and Chris could hear the sounds of rustling pages and a chair wheeling across the wooden floor. Chris turned around just in time to see Dustin roll out through Mark’s bedroom doorway slowly, sitting calmly in his chair with a can of Mountain Dew in hand. He popped open the can before adding in a sinister tone, “I’ve been expecting you.”

Chris huffed out a laugh and turned back to the fridge, bending down and searching through for another can of Mountain Dew. “Is that the last one?” he asked above the sound of beer bottles clinking together as he shifted them in his search.

Dustin finished his sip quickly. “Yeah. You want it?” 

Chris turned back around again and shook his head, “It’s cool, man.” He closed the fridge door with his foot and wondered if it was too early to have a beer. 

Dustin held the can out to Chris on the other side of the room. “You can have it, I just opened it. I’ve had, like, five of these today already.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll just have-” But Dustin was out of his seat and grabbing an empty glass off the coffee table before Chris could finish his sentence.

“Here,” he said as he began pouring soda into the glass, “Share.” He filled the glass half way and held it out towards Chris. Chris couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks,” he said, avoiding Dustin’s gaze because it was all warm and soft, and it was that exact look that made Chris’s heart twinge. He slumped down on the sofa and gulped back most of his drink at once. “How’s the assignment coming along?”

“Swimmingly!” Dustin replied, back in his chair and swinging around once in a circle. Chris figured Dustin hadn’t been exaggerating about the five cans of soda. But this was also standard Dustin behaviour. “I’m owning it like a pimp owns hoes, my friend. Like Marty McFly owns time-travelling expertise. Like Wardo owns smooth, Latino swagger!”

Chris snickered at the last one. He gulped back the rest of the soda in his glass and placed it back on the table, kicking his feet up next to it. “Eduardo owns swagger, but what owns dear Wardo?”

“It’s sitting right in that room!” Dustin proclaimed with a grandiose gesture towards Mark’s bedroom, trembling with trepidation. “Oh wait, no it’s not. He’s out.” He spun in another circle, letting out a small “wee!” as he went around.

Chris watched in amusement, as he usually did. He couldn’t resist being amused by something like this, but in truth he was charmed by the majority of Dustin’s antics. He also realised he was a little bit biased.

“So how was your day, sir? Learn anything new? Any scandalous slices of gossip for me?” Dustin enquired before he tipped his head back and drained the can of Mountain Dew. He propped his feet up on the corner of the table diagonally from Chris and set his gaze on him. Chris resisted the urge to squirm. 

“Dwight didn’t bother collecting our papers again, so in theory I didn’t have to stay up last night working on it,” Chris mumbled absently, staring at his knees.

“That swine,” Dustin retorted with gusto.

Chris smiled. “I saw your friend Adam trying to chat up that girl again this afternoon.”

Dustin threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, Adam! Such a hopeless romantic. He’s had fewer dates than Mark’s had good hair days.”

Chris chuckled momentarily at the thought of Mark showing even the slightest concern for his hair, but the topic of dating set him on edge as he was reminded of a slightly more scandalous part of his day. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to talk about it with Dustin, of all people, because he normally avoided the subject altogether and brushed it off as something he just had to do. 

Chris had recognised a while back that he had a propensity to pine, and because he realised this he made an effort to make things easier on himself. So he dated. Or at the very least, he tried to date. He met people, he gave his number to people, he went out with people, and every now and again he would recklessly hook up with people. Mostly he did it to distract himself from what he wished was nothing more than a fleeting, schoolgirl crush, but Chris realised that he would always compare everybody he met to Dustin. He knew that he wasn’t even giving them a chance, but they weren’t funny enough and they were never as outlandish as Dustin, or they were too bulky, too tanned, or too hairy. For the sake of both his friendship with Dustin and his own sanity, though, Chris continued to date when an opportunity arose, which was admittedly relatively often. And each time he said yes to a new charming stranger he tried to trick himself into hoping that perhaps this was someone special who was going to turn his world upside down. So far it hadn’t happened, but he knew it was because he already had his sights set on someone special. The best he could do was to try and ignore what the heart wanted and distract it from hoping.

He heaved a deep sigh and focused on his hands.

“I’ve got a date tomorrow,” he muttered almost dismissively. He was already thinking of other topics he could drive the conversation towards, but he glanced up and his train of thought halted when he saw a look in Dustin’s eyes that he couldn’t place. Disbelief, perhaps.

“A date?” Dustin asked over the sounds of his fingers toying fitfully with the soda can. Chris nodded, his gaze stuck on Dustin’s. “With who?” Dustin’s voice was quiet, and Chris wondered for a moment if Dustin wished he was going on a date as well. The last thing Chris wanted to do was rub it in.

He shrugged, pulling his eyes away from Dustin. He glanced down at his hands again. “This guy in my Modern Lit class, he’s been-”

“Do I know him?” Dustin asked almost abruptly, but his voice remained careful. 

Chris didn’t mind the interruption. He reluctantly drew his eyes back up to meet Dustin’s. “Don’t think so. He, uh, he only transferred this semester, so…” he trailed off slowly when he recognised sadness in Dustin’s expression. It shocked him somewhat to see Dustin behaving so differently now as opposed to a minute ago when he had been swinging around in his chair. His body was still now, though his fingers continued to attack the soda can he was holding and his were eyes wide and clear. What wasn’t clear to Chris, though, was why he was reacting this way.

Dustin nodded earnestly, his gaze suddenly dropping. “Cool. That’s good. For you, I mean. Last guy seemed a bit weird, so. Yeah, that’s…” he trailed off and nodded again jerkily, “That’s good.” He swallowed audibly, and smiled briefly. 

Chris watched as Dustin inspected the can in his hands and then leaned forward to place it on the table. He wheeled his chair backwards a small way, eyes still downcast and everywhere but in the direction of Chris. 

“Hey, I should…” he gestured vaguely behind him. “Assignment’s not gonna do itself,” he huffed a quiet laugh which sounded more jovial than it should have been. “Though I bet someone out there has invented a program that could make that happen. Mark, probably.” He turned in his chair and wheeled into the bedroom. 

Chris scrambled for something to say, because he was completely thrown by Dustin feigning enthusiasm when he was clearly not feeling it. “She’ll come along,” he called out hastily, and was instantly kicking himself for how cheesy it sounded. He felt a desperate need to lift Dustin’s morale and this was the best he could come up with.

Dustin swivelled around to face Chris. “Huh?” 

“A girl,” Chris replied, trying not to stall. “The one, or… someone to date, you know. She’ll come along.”

With a nod, Dustin gave another smile and a quick salute. “Yes, she will. She’s, uh…” he looked down at his knees and pushed his chair back the last couple of paces to arrive at the desk before he swung back around to face it “She’s obviously good at hiding, or something,” he said quietly. 

The whole incident had glued Chris to his seat and he didn’t even know how to begin reacting. From his position on the sofa he could see Dustin, head bowed as he began typing, and he just watched. If he had known how much the topic of dating would upset Dustin he would have just kept quiet, and he was going to be kicking himself for days. 

Chris realised that Dustin hadn’t been on a date in some time, and of course Chris would know. He hated when Dustin went on dates, but fortunately for him and not so fortunately for Dustin, it wasn’t often. Personally, Chris couldn’t understand why girls weren’t lining up to snatch a moment of Dustin’s time, but yet again, he knew that he was biased. If people only tried a little harder to get to know Dustin, they would see every incredible thing that Chris saw, but he was silently and guiltily pleased they didn’t. Among all of the infuriating feelings that he was constantly juggling, jealousy was one of the emotions that Chris disliked the most.

So he shrugged it off, the lingering feeling that there was more to it than he knew at this point, and told himself to be a little more considerate about the things he said if he wanted to spare people’s feelings.

\- - - - -

4.  
On the evening following his date, Chris was nestled into one side of the sofa with his legs tucked up beside him. He stared blankly at the small TV screen in front of him but wasn’t paying attention to whatever series of _CSI_ was showing. He had the sound down low and he could hear the continuous dull thudding of Mark typing in his bedroom, and in the back of his mind he wondered whether he should venture out into the cold to get some food. Instead, he picked up his beer from beside a few other empties on the table and took a sip.

Dustin came through the door soon after and when Chris turned his head to glance up at him, the tension in his chest ebbed away slightly just from the sight of him. Chris was inwardly appalled by just how smitten he really was. When Dustin was around Chris would feel a disconcerting combination of delight just to be there with him, and dismay because he was steadily becoming more and more besotted. Chris realised that this was probably the most baffling situation he had been in. He had never had feelings like this for a close friend, and certainly not a close friend he shared a room with, and he wondered whether it would come across as perverted and sordid to the other person if they knew. He often felt like a bad friend, like he was fooling Dustin each time he looked at him, but in reality Chris just cherished every aspect of him. Sometimes it still felt harmful, though, but he didn’t know how to rid himself of his adoration for Dustin when he was just so endearing. 

Dustin placed a box of beers down on the coffee table after giving Chris a high-five by way of greeting. “What up, G?” he grinned.

“Not much, homes,” Chris replied lazily. 

With a sigh Dustin shrugged off his jacket and plopped down in the armchair to the right of the coffee table, digging into the box for a beer. He took a bottle out for himself and pushed one towards Chris across the table, even though he already had one.  
“It’s _Sunday_. I’ve been studying all weekend,” Dustin groaned. “I feel like my eyes are going to fall out. I don’t think I can blink properly anymore. I don’t think I even _have_ eyes anymore. Chris, do I still have eyes?” he asked, looking at Chris in earnest. 

Chris relished in the feeling of his mood being lifted so easily. “Yes, you still have eyes.”

“Good. That’s ideal,” Dustin smiled, sounding genuinely relieved. “I don’t think I can move my right hand anymore, though, after two days straight of writing,” he mumbled, then took a couple of long gulps from the bottle that he held in his right hand. “Oh, look.”

“That’s what you get for going to Harvard.” 

Dustin nodded, kicking his shoes off and shifting to get comfortable in his chair, “Stupid education.” He rested his head back. “Mark surfaced at all today?”

Chris shook his head. “Not really. Wardo’s been in and out a couple times like a mother hen.” 

They both chuckled and Dustin tipped his head back to take another couple of gulps. There was a momentary lull in the conversation while Chris yawned and Dustin tapped his bottle cap against the wooden armrest of the chair.

“How was your date?” Dustin enquired eventually, a little bit awkwardly. He looked cautious, like he was walking on egg shells, and Chris was surprised he even brought it up.

With a shrug Chris fiddled with his beer bottle. He shook his head, scrunched up his nose a bit. “Not really…” he began, looking back up at Dustin, knowing that Dustin would recognise what he meant.

“Not really your piece of pie?” he asked, with his eyes warm and reassuring. Chris shook his head. “Poor guy,” Dustin said with a smirk. “Probably gonna cry himself to sleep for a week.”

Chris smiled at Dustin and couldn’t help but let out a laugh. He burrowed the side of his head a little further into the back of the sofa, realising that he had instinctively turned to face Dustin.

“Bet you were the token hot guy at school, weren’t you? You’re all classically handsome and shit,” Dustin continued with a grin. “Did you leave a trail of broken hearts behind you wherever you went?”

Chris laughed even more and shook his head, not even allowing himself to accept the compliment. “I didn’t. I kind of just tried to stay away from that stuff and maintain an aura of mystery,” he admitted, and took a swig of beer. “Better that way, in high school.”

Dustin was silent for a moment, and out of his peripheral vision Chris could see him studying his beer bottle. 

“When did you, you know,” Dustin began quietly, and Chris willed him not to feel uneasy. “When did you come out?”

For a moment Chris just watched Dustin, who brought his own gaze up to meet Chris’s. “Officially? Towards the end of senior year,” he answered. “I kind of just wanted to get through high school without it being an issue, you know? But it happened kind of suddenly, anyway. A guy asked if I was gay, and I just said yes. Word spread pretty fast, but I didn’t let it bother me much. Most of my friends already knew anyway.”

Dustin nodded, his focus dropping back to his beer. “That’s really cool,” he said slowly, “you know, to be so sure of yourself in high school. In senior year I was still just that awkward, nerdy Jewish guy and I hated it. How times have changed- oh wait. They haven’t.” 

Chris felt his fondness for Dustin grow. “You’re not awkward anymore,” he offered.

Dustin smiled then tipped back his beer again, and there was a comfortable silence. Chris stretched his legs out on the sofa and Dustin seemed determined to finish his beer quickly. He grabbed another one and popped it open.

“How do you…” he started, but looked as though he was thinking better of it. “How do you know?” Chris looked back at Dustin curiously. “That you’re gay, I mean. How did you figure it out?”

He took a moment to process the question, or perhaps to find the answer, because he hadn’t really discussed this kind of thing with Dustin, or any of his college friends for that matter. Chris shrugged and lifted his beer to his lips to take a sip. 

“I don’t even remember, really. Didn’t really think too much of it until, you know, you’re 14 and all your friends are dating the girls at school. I realised that I didn’t really want to, and then it all kind of made sense after that.” Dustin looked absorbed, as though Chris’s story was the most fascinating thing he’d heard all week. The feeling made his shoulders relax, and he let himself bask in Dustin’s attention. He shrugged again. “You just know. I just figured it out gradually, and it was okay with me because I knew it’d all work out eventually. But everyone’s different. I had a pretty easy run, on the whole.”

Dustin looked thoughtful and he was quiet for a moment, but Chris appreciated that he was showing an interest. At high school Chris had had friends who didn’t want to know the gory details at any cost. They were okay with everything on the surface, but they couldn’t bring themselves to delve much deeper than that. Chris understood, but it would often make him feel like those friends did actually have a problem with him after all. It was comforting to know that Dustin wasn’t one of those people.

“You think it’s much different?” Dustin began, and he had started to pick restlessly at the fabric of his chair. “You know, life as a gay guy?” 

Chris chuckled at Dustin, partially to shift the tone, which had become a little strained. “I don’t really know what life’s like as a straight guy, so…” he grinned at Dustin.

“Good point,” Dustin said, and took another drink. He seemed to be working hard to catch up with Chris, who was already three beers in.

“So tell me. What _is_ life like as a straight guy?” Chris inquired in a teasing tone.

Dustin dropped his head back for a moment and his laugh turned into a groan. He looked back over at Chris with amusement in his eyes, but it seemed as though he was mulling over exactly the right words to say. 

“It’s shit. Girls don’t really like me, so…” he smiled and shrugged, like it was a simple fact. Dustin was often self-deprecating for the sake of amusement, but when he was serious like this Chris couldn’t help but respond.

”I think there should be a flock of girls following you around campus everyday. You’re a stud,” he said like it was a matter-of-fact, unable to help himself, and then he drained his beer and reached forward to grab the one Dustin had pushed towards him.

Dustin watched Chris for a small moment, like he was trying to decide how to react. But before Chris had the chance to regret saying anything in the first place, Dustin broke out into a grin and laughed. 

“You think I’m a stud,” he teased with a wide smile.

“I think you misheard me,” Chris deadpanned. “I said _spud_. You’re a potato.” 

Dustin threw a bottle cap at Chris and wriggled his eyebrows a little, “I’m a _hot_ potato, though, right?”

Chris knew Dustin was teasing, but in moments like this he was never too sure how to proceed, hence why he found his current predicament to be so baffling. To agree with Dustin would feel too much like he was admitting something he shouldn’t, whereas to disagree with him would only add fuel to Dustin’s self-deprecating fire – besides, it just didn’t feel right when he was harbouring such a desperate crush. He simply didn’t know how to behave in this situation.

“I, uh…” he began, but abruptly lost his vocal ability because he had been caught a little off guard. He was either thinking too much or not thinking enough, so instead he smiled and dropped his gaze, gave a little shrug and the best he could offer was an awkward laugh. He picked at the label of his beer, and mentally reprimanded himself for his failure to formulate a simple sentence, especially as he was currently a student at Harvard of all places, studying literature of all things.

Across the table from him Dustin let out a light huff, like the air just needed to leave his lungs. He fidgeted in his chair, clearly uncomfortable and studied his beer bottle intently. Chris watched as one side of Dustin’s mouth lifted into a slight smile as he shook his head.

“Course not,” he mumbled, almost to himself as opposed to Chris. Another huff of quiet, strained laughter and his gaze briefly flickered to Chris’s and then back down. “Just being stupid.”

Chris felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out and his insides were spilling onto the floor. “I don’t mean-”

“It’s cool, man,” Dustin breathed out quickly, his gaze back on Chris and a wide smile stretching across his face. Chris noted that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey, did you see what Olson did to the shelf by Mark’s bed yesterday?” 

Not knowing what to react to first, Chris shook his head. He watched silently as Dustin told the story of the misfortune of a poor shelf, nodding and laughing in all the right places. He couldn’t figure out where Dustin was coming from half the time these days, but he was wondering if he was slowly losing his ability to understand other people’s behaviour altogether, judging by the amount of times he had felt out of his depth and confused lately. Maybe he was too caught up in his own emotions, or maybe his brain was simply drained from study and workload, but he felt as though there was something glaringly obvious that he was missing. 

But he shrugged it off, at least for now, and told himself that it wasn’t so hard to offer forward a compliment every now and again. Dustin had again proven what a good friend he really was by showing an interest in Chris’s life, and Chris wanted to work hard to do the same.

\- - - - -

5.  
Chris lazed around on his bed one quiet evening, absently noting in the back of his mind that he should turn the heaters up. It was cold but not unbearably so, and he had just gotten off the phone with his dad, who had spent a good twenty minutes updating him on news from back home amidst other casual small talk. Chris didn’t speak to his parents too often, but when he did the conversation flowed freely as though no time had passed at all since they last spoke, and he always found himself feeling refreshed and recharged afterwards.

He stretched and yawned, then checked his phone for the time. His empty stomach was making itself known, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to venture downstairs for yet another generic dining hall meal like he had every other day this week. He could hear Mark tapping away at his keyboard in the next room accompanied by some bass-heavy music coming from his headphones, and Dustin was somewhere in the lounge area working.

He heaved himself up off the bed with a groan and shuffled towards the lounge area, scratching his belly beneath his sweatshirt. He stood in the doorway and yawned, which made Dustin look up from where he was spread out on the sofa. Dustin placed a textbook on the table amongst a mess of pages of notes and stretched languidly, and Chris thought it looked adorable.

“How are Ma and Pa?” Dustin asked as he sat forward on the sofa. 

Chris shrugged, “Nothing much to report. Apparently the weather’s nice down there, so that’s lucky for some.”

“Aye, she be a brisk one out there!” Dustin smirked. 

Chris sat down in the chair beside the coffee table and scraped his hands through his hair. Dustin watched him, and Chris’s stomach twitched. There was only a fifty-percent chance that was because of hunger.

“You wanna go get food?” Dustin asked suddenly, and for a moment Chris wondered if Dustin could read minds. “We could go down to that Mexican place with the weird name.”

“I thought you didn’t like Mexican food,” Chris enquired, a little perplexed. 

“Yeah, but you said you had the best burrito ever from that place.”

“I did, but if you don’t like burritos then there’s no point in going.”

“Do you want a burrito?”

Chris took a moment to think. “I do now that you brought it up.”

“So we should go and get burritos.”

“But you don’t _like_ burritos.”

“But _you_ said this place makes good burritos, so I think it’s burrito time, buddy.”

Chris took another moment, but this time to laugh. Dustin was grinning at him and Chris truly had no idea why he was persisting. It reminded Chris of the many times Dustin insisted they buy Chris’s favourite beer, or watch his choice of TV show, or do the laundry when it was convenient for him and not for Dustin. Chris would always put up a fight, recommend they flip a coin or just come to some kind of compromise, but Dustin would always insist. Chris had thought it was standard Dustin behaviour until he started to notice that Dustin didn’t exactly do the same when it came to anybody else. One time he and Mark had a battle of wills in the grocery store that had escalated dramatically because Dustin wanted barbeque flavoured potato chips and Mark preferred salt and vinegar, and neither of them wanted to surrender. Another time Billy had wrestled Dustin onto the floor because Dustin wanted to watch a documentary about Vikings and Billy had already seen it, so Dustin sat on the remote and Billy had decided wrestling him for it was his only option. 

Perhaps Dustin just had a soft spot when it came to Chris, and it made Chris’s insides feel like candyfloss. He also felt like he was taking advantage of how strangely accommodating Dustin was towards Chris, so he found himself trying to put up a fight more often these days.

“We could just go down to the dining hall so you can avoid pretending to enjoy a burrito,” Chris offered. 

Dustin laughed. “I could have nachos. I totally feel like nachos.”

“You _feel like_ nachos, or you could put up with nachos if you had to?”

“I want nachos, and I wanted them this whole time,” Dustin replied with a smile, his eyes fixed on Chris with that warm and soft look that he could barely handle. “Shall we go?”

Chris huffed a silent laugh and shook his head as he stood up. He fetched his shoes and coat, and when he returned Dustin was standing by the door zipping up his jacket. The ever-present thudding of a keyboard reminded him that Mark was in the next room. 

“Hey, what about Mark?” Chris asked, nodding his head in the direction of Mark’s bedroom. 

Dustin looked up, raising his eyebrows. “Mark?”

“He’s probably hungry too.”

Dustin glanced quickly at Mark’s closed bedroom door and then back at Chris. He fidgeted a bit and slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, and the look on his face was clearly apprehensive. Apprehensive, but perhaps a little bit hopeful too. Dustin shrugged slowly and Chris was gripped by the honesty in his eyes. It was like Dustin was afraid of what he was admitting but he was game enough to own up anyway. Chris just didn’t have a clue what it was that he was admitting.

“I thought we could just go,” Dustin suggested softly, like if he said it any louder he might regret speaking in the first place. He was staring at Chris with his eyes wide and unguarded, and Chris felt as though what he said next was going to be far more important to Dustin than simply whether Mark joined them for dinner. He felt like he was on the brink of something, but he had no idea what. 

He swallowed and wasn’t sure why he felt anxious. “Yeah,” he began slowly, looking back into Dustin’s eyes and wondering what exactly it was that he saw there. “Okay, let’s go.”

Dustin seemed to inflate slightly and he grinned at Chris with something similar to gratitude, like Chris had done him a favour. 

As they left the suite and headed into the cold night Chris considered briefly that maybe Dustin just hadn’t wanted to go out with Mark, which would be understandable but unlikely. He listened to Dustin talk animatedly about something regarding spirit animals, but he was distracted. Half of his mind was screaming at him to admit that he had seen the obvious, and the other half was telling him there was no way he’d seen anything of the sort. It would be too good to be true, so he therefore must have been mistaken, and this time Chris decided once and for all that he really must have lost the ability to understand other people’s behaviour altogether. 

So he shrugged it off yet again, and as he strolled alongside Dustin he told himself that something really needed to be done to curb this little infatuation of his, because apparently he had begun to see things that almost certainly weren’t there.

\- - - - -

+1.  
If Chris was being honest, he had now found himself in a new most-baffling situation. Suddenly the matter of having feelings for a close friend didn’t seem like such a dilemma after all, as he was now tormented by the idea that maybe these feelings weren’t his alone. Chris had spent time thinking about everything over the past week; all the little things that had confused him at the time or had seemed out of the ordinary. He couldn’t decide if his mind was being far too overactive and getting caught up in wishful thinking, or if there really was something there that he had been missing.

His chest felt full and tingly when he considered that perhaps the warm and soft look Dustin gave him that he adored so much meant more than he had initially assumed. 

He sat bundled up in the chair at his desk, legs tucked against his chest and his hoodie pulled tightly over his hands as he stared absently out the window. In a perfect, clichéd twist of fate it was raining outside and the temperature seemed to be steadily dropping, so it matched his mood rather nicely. He knew Mark was off somewhere with Eduardo, apparently _”discussing business matters”_ , but he wondered where Dustin was and hoped he wasn’t getting too wet. 

And then, because everything in Chris’s life was bizarre, Dustin thumped through the door as though on cue in a flurry of arms and drops of water. Chris turned around to watch him dump his bag somewhere which would be rather inconvenient later, and shed himself of his wet hooded jacket with an exasperated groan. 

“Hughes, if you could turn the rain off, that’d be great,” Dustin offered by way of greeting, and grinned at Chris.

“Of course, sorry,” Chris smirked back at Dustin. 

Dustin came through the lounge and leant against the bedroom doorway, smiling at Chris. Always, always smiling at him. Chris was always amazed by Dustin’s ability to smile while he was wet and cold when anybody else would be fed-up. He wasn’t too wet now that he’d taken his jacket off, and he ran a hand through his hair to pull it back off his forehead. Chris was a little captivated, as usual. 

“You the only one in?” Dustin asked.

Chris nodded and slid out of his chair to stand up and stretch and yawn noisily. As he leaned against the back of his chair he opened his eyes to see Dustin looking at him in that way; in the very way that confused him so much.

“Cold outside?” Chris asked, from lack of anything more useful to say. He found himself feeling a little tongue-tied around Dustin lately, since so many Dustin-related things had been weighing on his mind. 

Dustin nodded, “It’s absolute shit. It’s, like, negative fifty degrees and it only started raining hard once I left class,” he huffed out a soft laugh. “Hey, I got you something on the way back.” He patted his pockets and spun around in a circle while doing so. 

Chris watched in amusement and let out a quiet laugh. 

“Here,” Dustin said as he pulled a yellow highlighter pen out of his pocket. He took a couple of steps into the room so that he was in front of Chris and held the pen out. “They had them cheap at Staples, so consider your highlighter crisis averted.”

Chris looked at the pen in Dustin’s hand and then back into Dustin’s eyes, which gave it all away. He felt like he had been bowled over. While it was just a pen that was on offer, it was yet another example of Dustin going out of his way to do something thoughtful for Chris. And then, as though the gears in his mind were finally turning and a motor had started running, everything began to make sense and slowly clicked into place. That moment right there, Chris realised later down the track, was probably the pivotal point of realisation that he had been searching for. The perfect moment that he had refrained from letting himself even consider was staring back at him, waiting for him to respond, and it made him weak at the knees. 

“That’s not even…” Chris began slowly, pulling his eyes up to meet Dustin’s. For the first time in a long while Chris let himself truly appreciate how gorgeous Dustin really was, with his gentle eyes and messy hair. “That’s not even on your way back.”

Dustin shrugged, shaking the pen at Chris vaguely. “I saw earlier that they had a sale, so I went back.” He smiled at Chris, and Chris let the warmth of it seep into his skin. “No big deal.”

Chris took the pen, smiled at Dustin as best he could at a moment like this, and managed to mutter, “You didn’t have to.”

“It was four bucks,” Dustin added, clearly not thinking much of it, but Chris noticed the shift in his eyes. His gaze had become so similar to the way it had been a week prior when he had asked Chris if he wanted to go for dinner, all open and honest, and Chris truly got it. He understood entirely – the thoughtful gestures, the questions, the bizarre reactions and soft smiles – and it was as though the world was slowing to a complete stop.

Chris stared down at the highlighter in his hands for a moment, and then twisted around to lean back place it on his desk. He turned back around and Dustin was there gazing at him, scraping his palms down his thighs absently like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Chris stared at him as though he was in awe; in awe of the way he was seeing Dustin now and in awe of how good it felt. 

“Thanks,” Chris said quietly, and his fingers in his lap fidgeted. Dustin nodded slightly and swallowed nervously. Chris felt nervous too and he hadn’t realised how much of a weight he had been carrying around with him for so long. But here Dustin was, lifting that weight and single-handedly making everything seem worthwhile. 

Chris tipped forward just far enough to gently slip his fingers around Dustin’s, and he pulled Dustin in towards him as he shifted back against the chair. Dustin went willingly with only a slight stumble as Chris parted his knees just enough so Dustin could get close. He rested his and Dustin’s hands on his thighs where their fingers danced together tentatively as though learning new, unfamiliar steps, and their eyes locked. It was a gaze that meant more than any other Chris could remember in his life. Dustin was so close, here just inches in front of him with their legs warm against each other’s and their fingers intertwined, and the look in his eyes told Chris that he knew. Dustin knew what was about to happen, and they both drew in shallow, hitched breaths as they stared at one another. Chris didn’t feel as though he would ever get used to being this close to Dustin, but then Dustin bit his bottom lip and he snapped out of it. 

With Chris leaning back against the chair and Dustin standing in front of him, Dustin was just marginally taller. Chris liked it that way, and he swallowed and squeezed Dustin’s hands a bit, as though telling him that this was it. He tilted forward just slightly and Dustin moved the last little bit to bring their faces close enough that the tips of their noses brushed softly for a few moments. Their breath mingled in the small space between them, and Chris dropped his gaze to Dustin’s lips and wanted desperately to find out if they were as soft as they looked. So he did.

He angled his head up at the same time that Dustin tilted just a little lower, and their lips landed together softly, perfectly. Chris found that he couldn’t breathe, and he just wanted to stay there with his mouth resting lightly against Dustin’s, Dustin’s nose snug alongside his own and their fingers linked together, because it was flawless. It was exactly what he hadn’t let himself hope for, but it was far more than he could’ve imagined. 

He pulled away only slightly from the soft, short kiss and finally breathed out. His eyes slowly climbed up Dustin’s face in search of any trace of discomfort or doubt, but the look Dustin was giving him was affectionate and sincere and glad, like he was just as thrilled as Chris was. Chris realised unmistakably that the feeling was in fact mutual. Dustin felt the same way and was here with him, having just kissed him, no confusion and no doubts. It was too much for his mind to process, so instead he leaned back in for another kiss.

Dustin sunk further into Chris and his cold hands slowly ascended Chris’s body to graze over his jaw and neck. Chris’s fingers crept around Dustin’s hips and their lips slid further together, and he was pleased to note that Dustin’s lips were indeed soft like he had hoped. Some guys had lips that were too rough or too thin, but it seemed like Dustin’s had been created specifically for Chris to kiss them, and he made sure to catch Dustin’s upper lip between his own lips, right in the centre where the slight dip was just enough to be irresistible. It made Dustin smile into the kiss. He pulled away just slightly to realign, and then they fell back into each other once more, blending together eagerly, synchronising effortlessly.

Chris moved his arms further around Dustin’s hips and up his back and he absently wondered how much sooner he could have had this, with what little energy he was willing to put into basic thought processes with the way Dustin’s tongue was sliding softly against his. He could spend hours agonising over every little thing Dustin had said and done that could have been just the sign he needed, and kick himself for each time he had missed something. He figured he had better things to do with his time now, though, so with another soft sigh he pulled back and smiled at Dustin. It made them both chuckle, like the nerves and uncertainty had now passed to make way for a bubbling sense of elation.

With his fingers skimming across the back of Chris’s neck, Dustin let out a quiet sigh. “Well thank god you wanna do that too.” He grinned, gazing at Chris fondly, eyes full of relief.

Chris laughed and leaned forward to place a loud kiss on Dustin’s cheek, trying to function properly through all of the feelings flooding his body. “You mean kiss you?” Dustin nodded. “I definitely wanna do that.”

“I didn’t think I was your style,” Dustin admitted, nuzzling his nose against Chris’s comically. 

Chris laughed again, unable to refrain from it for very long at the moment. “You save me the green M&M’s and trek through the rain to buy me a highlighter and you order my favourite food. And you freak out when I go on dates with other guys, so you’re definitely my style.”

Dustin dropped his head down with a breathy laugh, “I’ve never freaked out.”

Chris tilted forward to pull Dustin’s lips into a kiss with his own. With a teasing smirk against Dustin’s mouth, he asked, “Haven’t you?” 

Dustin laughed and shook his head as he stepped back a small way. He pulled Chris gently towards him until he stood up and walked them backwards a few paces. A thousand previously forbidden ideas filled Chris’s mind concerning where this could be heading. 

“No one else is home,” Dustin whispered against Chris’s lips, and pressed their bodies together keenly.

Chris couldn’t believe how this evening had panned out. He hummed his agreement and tiptoed his fingers up underneath Dustin’s sweatshirt, hardly believing his luck. He couldn’t even be too sure this was actually happening and that he wasn’t going to snap out of a cruel daydream any second, but if the tingles all over his body and Dustin’s mischievous smile were anything to go by he could assume that things were looking up all of a sudden.

“I call big spoon,” Dustin announced with a wide grin, and he grabbed onto the front of Chris’s hoodie and tugged him towards his bed. 

Chris laughed and went along willingly, thankful that there was no misunderstanding this time and no need to shrug it off. It was all right here in front of him, and he told himself that perhaps it had been here all along while he had been busy trying to ignore it. Dustin was in fact that someone special who was going to turn his world upside down, just like he had hoped.


End file.
